lajuA Weblog

My life through the eyes of others

How to make expresso without a machine


It’s all in the froth,

so they say.

Yet there will be no whizzing,

buzzing and contraptual clicking,

from chrome sprouts to state of the art gadgets.



No melanchony skipping of jazz notes like in the ads,

where the young and trendy wake up to the mourning sun,

in New York or somewhere warm.

no Hitchcock thriller on the box,

with a signatory Cary Grant performance.



Sheep will be let loose, so that from one perspective it seems they jump over the hills and spread their bleats like  ‘i cannot believe it’s not butter’ over the moors.

The bleakish sun, sitting on the cone of trees whose leaves are scared of the winters wind that the take cover in a bed of brittle thatch.

Drearish the sky,  a grey blanket of solemn matter like the the earth will shed more tears.

Crisp is the wind, eager to gossip like the gypsy’s midsomer tale.

So that we realise that we plan our lives on the basis of an internet search engine.




Worst of all, there’s no creme,

What the matter,

a cup of coffee never made joe superman.


Lost in transit.


Wood work. Signs with vanishing arrows, cobbled alleys, dripping rebel paint, musical mosquito cathcers, dirty meat markets, fire dumpsters, buildings and bulldozed buildings, pebble beaches, fire engines, red cross engines, sirens !

 I’m a long way from home.

traitors song



  I have seen this day in my dreams,

  cleaer than the ray of the golden sun,

  than the rain drop that runs down leaves,

  than the most clear cut precious stone.



 From the womb of the abyss,

to the rugged walls of old jerusalem.

For when the wise one held me to the light,

the soothsayers rattled with fever.



Their song was bourne into the night air:

He who has ears should listen,

he with eyes should see.

For this one was gourged,

from the clay of  the earth.


Shall no man have the might to fall him,

Shall no woman have the wile to seduce.

He is from curse a gift,

a begining of things that will end.


‘O’ the days have come and gone,

by my sword iv’e conquered,

as it was written,

as i had seen it.



I saw the night of your birth,


in the shadowy nooks of candlelight,

no one dared to speak.



‘O’ Brother!

Can you walk the path of Brutus?

To the hanging noose of Icariot.

Would you have this as your  rhetoric?



I knew this moment would ensue,

I had seen it in the visionary,

I knew not it would be,

to the hand of you chivalry

the night of Gagaku


I gave up my dreams.


The mist encroached the fog.

the night was  silent

but for wind, string and percussion.


Shall we ever rest easy?


I rest my faith in a palm reader.

the bamboo whistled from the kinetic

I have become my worst fears.



The night can trickle the most mundane of thoughts into reality. Our man walked into the night in what could be a warm embrace or cold resolve.

At this time only the coin eyed chased the dragon.

His haori made passer by wonder

‘what man of this sort tramples this backstreet at such an hour’

His breadth reeked of sake.

His eyes had that look of  trance that most men have  when they have lost something.Most of the time the embrace of a youthful bossom.

The dark fabric of his kimono disguised the wounds of stealth seeping blood from his belly.

Like many other men of the same disposition,

Takeo had felt the wrath of a woman scorned!

I am


Peek hole,

through hazel retribution.


from memories disbelieved.

Look to tears,

witout compromise.

Sing a tune,

to my snooze.

Be affectionate,

like I am,

like I smile.

Be true.

Convince me,

under the sky,

that I be….


the way,

that I am

star light


The colour of jupiter,

tears errupt from within.


I am,

destined for cupids target.


fear utters words,

that emotions translate.

to catch erros mid-flight.

When something magical,

transluced ambience.




His hair line has receded.  The grey patch above his ear had turned white. Silky yet maintaining its kink. For all his years he didn’t look worn. His cheeks took the form of an ironic smile. For a while, the darker part of my subconscious was jealous of him.


I had called this man my brother for more years than I had cared to remember.


I put my ears into the air,


Was it too quiet?

Was it noisy?


Should our meeting from since a while be more amiable?


I ignore his company and disappear into my head but come back quickly as it seems selfish. Jolene leaves us. Years of trying to rekindle our friendship had resulted in cautious wrinkles whenever we met.


He tries to laugh off the awkwardness of the moment. I don’t find anything amusing but I smile.


I travel again.


His purple cords came to mind first. He was going off on one of his rants. His can of beer hit the table, his chair screeched as he pulled his body forward.


‘Watching him play is a religious experience’


This child watched bemused at his madness.


‘These kids these days know nothing about honour, commitment…..nothing!’



Jolene is dusting furniture in the next room. She is nervous. How could we fall out at a time like this?


For the miles on the clock she was a bargain. She stood confidently on the driveway as though dirt should be beneath her feet.

His eyes ran across her sheen.


‘Is this the cost of hard work or your soul?’


He was unimpressed.



The dog chases some inanimate object in the yard. The silence echoes through the room. It is cold. Like being in a museum after hours. But the room is small. This mans legacy stands here. The wardrobe slants in the corner. The purple quilt worn from many beatings is sullen. The white blind tanned. The bed? A used to be sturdy expression of age.


They say the human body reduces in mass at the point of death. Religious groups say it is the point at which the soul leaves the body.


This man that was never my brother retracts into his bowels and for all the wrong reasons I am still mad at him.